The Great Mushroom Hunt — The National Sport (and Mild Obsession)
- Tina's Blossom Life
- Jun 24
- 4 min read
Smell of September. That magical time of year when the air smells like wet leaves, damp earth, and… wild mushrooms. In my home country, picking wild mushrooms isn’t just a hobby. It’s practically an Olympic discipline. Forget football, forget tennis, ski jump — mushroom hunting is the national sport.
As soon as summer ends, an army of mushroom enthusiasts emerges from their homes armed with two essential tools:
No.1 A large wicker basket
No.2 An outdated pair of wellies that haven't fit properly since the early 2000s
We head into the forest like modern treasure hunters. Every fallen leaf hides a potential prize or a snake. Every moss-covered tree stump (where oaks, beeches, birches grow, and also near pines and spruces) may hide the Holy Grail of mushrooms: the big one. The one that makes your grandmother cry with joy and your neighbor burn with envy.
Important disclaimer:
We're not talking about "those" kinds of mushrooms — the psychedelic ones that send you to unicorn land, flying high. Nope, no, no...ours are perfectly legal, thoroughly edible, and heavily supervised by grandmothers everywhere. Although I do admit that, in some corners of the forest, there are brave souls who enjoy hunting for the magic varieties — I prefer to stay on the "non-hallucinogenic, not-going-to-die" side of the hobby. If even 1% of uncertainty is planted in your head that it could be something else then leave it. If you are not sure what kind of mushroom it is then go away.
The Thrill of the Hunt
The process is simple: you scan the forest floor like Sherlock Holmes on caffeine, looking for the tiniest suspicious bump under a blanket of fallen leaves. Then comes the gentle part — you don't yank it out like a toddler pulling a loose tooth. Oh no. You cut it, carefully, as any decent mushroom picker knows. Because we respect the forest. We don’t want to anger the mycelium gods.
Once your basket is filled there is a list to mark off:
Your back is broken from all the bending (tick)
You are already bitten by all possible insects (tick)
You march home proudly with your fungal bounty (tick)
Check your whole body if you didn't bring any TICKS with you (tick Ticks)
And then, of course, the real work begins.
Processing: The Second National Sport
At home, your mushrooms await their destiny. Old newspaper on the table, gentle brush, and a little knife. Mushrooms need to be checked and cleaned after that:
Some get chopped and thrown straight into a creamy sauce that could bring grown men to tears.
Others get pickled in jars full of vinegar and mysterious spices only your grandma understands.
Many are frozen for "later," which usually means "when I’m too lazy to cook anything else."
But the true champions are dried. Yes, they get sliced, strung up like little fungal necklaces, and hung in kitchens across the nation. Because everyone knows that when December comes, no proper Christmas dish is complete without a generous handful of dried mushrooms. Don’t worry — we do not put them in cheesecake. (Although knowing my people, someone probably tried.)
Royal Mushroom Laws: The British Twist
Now that I live in the UK, my passion for mushroom picking has taken a slightly… royal turn.
You see, in Britain, the forest undergrowth technically belongs to the Crown. Yes, King Charles is basically the landlord of all things mossy and mushroomy. You are allowed to pick mushrooms for personal use in public forests or private lands (with permission), but you may not — under any circumstances — sell them. Not even on Facebook Marketplace where you can legally sell your soul but not your mushrooms. No ebay, no etsy, no onlyfans.
Oh, and don’t you dare pick protected or rare species, unless you enjoy explaining yourself to very serious people in green uniforms who look like they’ve never laughed once in their lives. You could get a hefty fine.
The Dark Side of Mushrooms
Of course, mushroom picking comes with risks. Some mushrooms you can eat once — because the second time you’re already dead.
I will remind you once again Golden Rule of Mushroom Picking:
If you’re 99% sure you know what it is, you’re still 1% close to needing emergency services.
When in doubt — leave it be. Your digestive system will thank you.
A Few Mushroom Fun Facts That Will Blow Your Mind (or Spoil Your Appetite)
🍄 Do mushrooms talk? Yes! Through their underground mycelium network, they send electrical impulses — like some weird fungal WhatsApp. Scientists believe it's a primitive language. Basically, they gossip underground like teenagers.
"Have you seen his hat? How big it is."
🍄 The world’s largest living organism? Also a mushroom! In Oregon, USA, lives Armillaria ostoyae, a honey fungus covering over 9 km². It weighs hundreds of tons and is thousands of years old. Mother Nature really said: “Let’s make one gigantic fungal Godzilla.”
🍄 Zombie mushrooms exist! Meet Ophiocordyceps, the stuff of horror films. It infects insects, takes over their brains, makes them climb high places, kills them, and then sprouts a mushroom out of their heads. Basically, nature’s way of saying: “You thought spiders were scary? Hold my spore.”
🍄 Glow-in-the-dark mushrooms? Yes! Some species like Mycena chlorophos emit a greenish glow at night. Bioluminescent mushrooms — nature’s own night lights. IKEA should take notes and use it.
In Conclusion: Mushrooms are Magic (the Safe Kind)
So yes, I am a proud mushroom picker. I may not play football. I may never run a marathon. But give me a damp forest, a basket, and a ridiculous pair of galoshes, and I’m unstoppable.
And remember — whether you're picking mushrooms or just reading my blog from the safety of your couch — please respect nature, always double-check your mushrooms, and never, ever trust a mushroom that winks at you.
If You see running unicorn, dragon or elf please contact your GP or call emergency.
Now tell me: have you ever gone mushroom picking?
Leave a comment, share your funny stories, or just click ‘Like’ so I know you’re out there and my blog isn’t just being read by my hubby 🌸🍄❤️
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