It’s August, and Santa Just Cut Me Off in Tesco

You know those moments when you stroll into your local supermarket, fully intending to buy boring essentials like milk, bread and maybe some strawberries (to trick yourself into thinking you’re healthy)… and then BAM—there it is. An army of chocolate Santas, stars, marshmallow snowmen, and suspiciously glittery gift wrap staring at you from aisle three.

Excuse me, what month is it again? Oh yes—AUGUST. The sun is still burning my forehead, my flip-flops are still very much in service, and my iced latte hasn’t even considered turning into a tea with honey yet. But apparently, according to the great gods of retail, it’s already Christmas.

And while I initially roll my eyes so hard I can practically see the back of my skull, I have to admit… they might be onto something.

Christmas in August: Madness or Genius?

At first glance, it’s absurd. Christmas chocolates sitting next to BBQ sauce. Santa hats lurking awkwardly beside sun cream. It feels wrong. Like pineapple on pizza.

But then after the initial wave of indignation, something else creeps in: relief. Because if Santa’s already here, then maybe… just maybe… I should start thinking about Christmas shopping before December 24th, when I traditionally find myself panic-buying.

The Upsides of Being That Person

So, I did what any sarcastic-yet-secretly- organized human would do: I leaned into it. Here’s why buying Christmas gifts in August is not only less insane than it looks, but might actually my personality trait:

1. Shopping without pressure

Shopping in December is like the Hunger Games – only instead of bows and arrows, we have panicked mothers with strollers and fathers wrestling with Lego bricks. And in August? I wander freely among the shelves. Next to the BBQ briquettes, I have my husband's favorite perfume.

2. Savings Genius

December is basically a financial black hole. The heating bill skyrockets, and suddenly, at the end of the year, all the bills collude and want to be paid. You have to buy extra food because guests are coming to visit. At work, you feel guilty about dealing with twenty "Secret Santas," and your bank account silently cries every time you pass a Costa coffee. Spread your spending from August? Suddenly, my debit card doesn't look like it's been damaged by a natural disaster.

3. Bye-Bye Queues

Nothing says "holiday spirit" like standing in a two-hour line with 47 other grumpy people while your child screams because Mom won't buy him another chocolate orange. And if you start in August? The lines will be shorter, the aisles quieter, and you might even be able to smile at a stranger without crying.

4. Online Shopping

You know that feeling when you order something at the end of November, promised delivery in 3 to 5 days, only to discover that there are so many orders and your package definitely won't arrive on time. In August, you don't have to worry about that, because your order will arrive by December.

5. Feeling Like a Holiday Goddess

Imagine rolling into December with every gift wrapped, labelled, and ready to go. While the rest of the world is spiralling into wrapping-paper chaos, you’re sipping mulled wine in smug silence. That, my friends, is what true power feels like.

The (Un)Official Side Effects

Of course, starting Christmas this early isn’t without its quirks. For one, my brain has already started humming “All I Want for Christmas Is You” against my will. And yes, I got caught in the garden singing “Last Christmas” to my tomato plants. (Don’t judge, they looked like they needed it.)

There’s also the slight risk of forgetting where I’ve hidden all the gifts come December. Future Me will almost certainly find a stash of Raffaello behind the pasta in the kitchen late March. But honestly? March chocolate tastes just as good as December chocolate.

Sarcastic Truth Time

Look, I know it’s ridiculous. I know. Christmas shopping in August feels like bringing an umbrella to the desert. But here’s the thing: life is already full of chaos, unexpected bills, and endless “what’s for dinner?” debates. So if buying a few Christmas gifts while it’s still technically BBQ season keeps me sane later on? I’ll take the Santa chocolates with my suncream, and ice coffee thank you very much.

So yes, dear supermarkets, you’ve won. I’ll grumble, I’ll mock, I’ll roll my eyes—but secretly, I’m grateful. Because come December, while everyone else is elbow-deep in glitter and panic, I’ll be sipping hot chocolate, humming along to Wham, and reminding myself that smugness is truly the greatest Christmas gift of all.

So the next time you find yourself in Tesco in August, staring down a chocolate reindeer while wearing your summer dress, don’t scoff. Pick it up, toss it in your trolley, and congratulate yourself. You’re not insane—you’re just ahead of the game.

After all, nothing says “festive spirit” quite like being smugly prepared while everyone else is losing it. Only 131 days till big day (17th Aug).

Merry August-Christmas, everyone. 🎅✨