One Time I Offered a Patient an Apricot Condom...

Tina's Blossom Life
May 27
2 min read

Let me take you back to my early days working abroad. I had just started a job as a hospital housekeeper — delivering meals to patients. A great opportunity… except for one small detail: My English was basically: "Hi", "Good morning", "Goodbye", "OK", and "Fine".

That’s it. That’s all I had. Everything else? Pure improvisation, hand gestures, and lots of smiling.

Each day I’d roll the food cart through the hospital, try to read the menus (with my broken English), and ask patients if they wanted soup, a main dish, or a dessert. Simple enough — in theory.

The scene of the crime:

One afternoon, I walked into a patient’s room — a sweet older lady and her husband were there. Big smiles, super friendly. I did my best professional voice and said:

“Would you like drink? Soup? Main dish? ...and today... for dessert…”

Then I looked down at the menu card and read:

"Apricot condom."

Yes.

I said condom!

Out loud.

With confidence.

Instead of "Apricot Condé."(A fancy name for a pretty basic apricot dessert. Of course.)

The reaction?

The couple burst into laughter. The husband wiped tears from his eyes and said:

“Oh no, thank you dear. At our age, we don’t need that kind of dessert anymore.”

I stood there, frozen, my face turning fifty shades of red. I apologized, tried to laugh it off — but the damage was done.

The aftermath?

By the time I got back to the nurses' station, everyone had heard.

“Hey, any apricot condoms left?”, “Is that the new hospital special?”, “Can we order that with whipped cream?”...

Even the doctors were laughing.

What did I learn?

Read carefully.
Apricot desserts are dangerous.
Humor saves lives (and dignity… kind of).
Sometimes, your most embarrassing moment becomes the story people remember you by — and weirdly, it brings people together.