God, The Bible, Jesus… And My Very Confused Brain

There are two topics I usually avoid like a salad bar in a petrol station: politics and religion. Not because I’m not interested. Oh no, no. It’s because both subjects have an incredible ability to transform perfectly normal people into very passionate, very loud, and very exhausting debaters, convincing each other who is right. Also, my coffee gets cold while they’re trying to convince me.

Religion, however, has a special place in my personal hall of “complicated topics.” I'm not an expert. I never try to convince anyone to believe or stop believing. It’s only your business. If it works for you — perfect! I really support you. But the topic of God, the Bible, and Jesus has been following me around since I was little. Like glitter — impossible to get rid of completely.

Baptized Before I Could Even Say "No"

I was born in a country where around 90% of people are Catholics. Well, officially. Let’s be honest: many of them are what I call “ceremonial Catholics.” You know — weddings, funerals, Christmas, Easter… and lots of “what will the neighbors say if we don’t go to church on Sunday?” kind of faith. Many of those who call themselves Catholics, who sit in the front pews in church, have never even held a Bible in their hands, and in everyday life they are not good people ether.

Like most people there, my religious journey started before I even had teeth. I couldn't even sit up straight myself. I was baptized as a baby, without being consulted on the matter (rude, right?).

At 8 years old, I had my First Communion — which for any little girl is really just a chance to wear a beautiful white dress and look like a miniature bride. The spiritual meaning? Well… let’s just say 8-year-old me was mostly excited about the dress and the family lunch.

The concept of “bringing God into my heart by eating a white wafer” felt very mysterious. My logic was painfully simple: I eat the wafer → it goes to my stomach → we all know where it ends up. That hardly seemed like the sacred journey they described in church.

Hell, Satan, and the Pitchfork

The religious explanations I got as kid were also quite… creative.

“If you’re naughty, you’ll go to hell and the Devil will wait for you there with a pitchfork.” Wow, thanks for the comforting bedtime story, aunt Irene. Also, I later learned that the Devil’s pitchfork is actually just folklore and the Bible describes Satan a bit more… dramatically.

Mary, a virgin, gives birth to Jesus through immaculate conception. Wait… hold on… what? I’ve attended biology classes, you know. That’s not really how babies happen. Girl, are you lying or something? Even the stork would look at that story and say, “Nope, that’s above my pay grade.”

Noah’s Ark? A floating zoo bigger than the Titanic that fit two of every animal on Earth. My first question: why did he take the mosquitoes? Why? Seriously, Noah, we need to talk. Also, where are the dinosaurs? Were they too fat to fit? Or maybe too high maintenance? And let’s be clear — according to the Bible, the Ark was basically a big wooden box. I imagine Noah packing it like a teenager trying to cram their entire wardrobe into a carry-on suitcase: “If I compress these giraffes, maybe I can squeeze in the penguins.”

Another one: Adam and Eve. The first two people on Earth. So technically, we’re all products of some intense family reunions, if you know what I mean. And let’s not forget — it wasn’t an apple they ate. The Bible simply says “forbidden fruit.” So honestly, it could have been a banana. Or a suspicious-looking peach. Or even an avocado — which would explain why they felt so guilty afterward (avocados cost a fortune).

Asking the Forbidden Questions

Even though I had several religious lessons every week in school, and I was brave enough to start asking questions, the answers boiled down to: “Because God wanted it that way.” End of discussion. The end. Thank you for attending this episode of Divine Mysteries: Don’t Ask Too Many Questions.

As I grew older, I started exploring different religions, cultures, and belief systems. I talked to people from various backgrounds, asked curious questions (always politely!), and realized one thing: I don’t believe in God.

Now — before you clutch your pearls — I have to say this: I deeply respect people who believe (I will never understand radical fanaticism, but true faith yes). In fact, I sometimes envy them a little. To have such strong faith, to find comfort in something invisible( btw wi-fi is also invisible, and everyone believes in it), to find strength in prayer — that’s powerful. Faith often helps people get through the hardest moments in life. And for that, I bow my head.

The Awkward Conversions

The funny part is when people find out I don’t believe. Suddenly, their life mission becomes to “bring me back to the light.”

They’ll passionately present me with arguments, Bible quotes, sometimes even colorful pamphlets. They cite divine healings through holy water.

The strange thing is:

I never try to convince them to stop believing.

Why would I?

You believe what you believe. I believe what I believe. We can still have coffee and talk about dogs.

My Little Alternative Theory

Sometimes I joke (half seriously, half mischievously) that maybe one day, someone went for a walk in the forest, found a very suspicious mushroom or herb, made tea from it, and started seeing incredible visions. Seas parting, people walking on water, water turning into wine (that one sounds very convenient, by the way). They wrote it all down, they passed the tea on, another person wrote something from themselves and centuries later, voilà — best-selling book of all time.

Of course, we’ll never know. The Bible was passed down over centuries, rewritten, translated, interpreted, and possibly tweaked along the way to match the interests of powerful institutions. Back when it was written, very few people could even read. Today, if most people opened a random Bible page, they’d need Google, a dictionary, and a theologian on speed dial to understand it fully. Language evolves. Meanings shift. Everyone can interpret the message differently to suit their situation.

Be a Good Human. And Dot on the end.

For me, the most important thing is simple: Be a good person. Whether you believe in God, Yahweh, Allah, Zeus, goddess of fertility, Buddha, the Universe, or a giant Flying Spaghetti Monster — treat people the way you want to be treated. Don’t hurt others. Don’t spread hate. Help when you can. And don’t judge someone just because their faith (or lack of it) looks different from yours. Love yourself, because then you will love others.

Take care of your soul — whatever you believe it is — and always carry kindness with you. That, my friends, is my gospel according to Tina. 🌸

Tell me, how did YOUR religious journey look?

Let’s talk — politely, respectfully, and with humor.

You can comment below, or find me on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok — and don’t forget to hit that Like button so I know I’m not just talking to my coffee cup again! 😄☕